A Heart With A Mind Of Its Own
by Parched Throat
Summary: One shot. Rukawa's POV. I think I'm going to write a sequel about this.


**TITLE: **A HEART WITH A MIND OF ITS OWN

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Slam Dunk. Don't sue me!

**A/N: **Just enjoy. It's kinda boring so I wrote this. Haha. Review please, if you like. You can flame me, so I'll be better. But take it easy ok! Thanks a lot!

_**Rukawa's POV**_

Sometimes, we tend to hide our feelings because sometimes, we are afraid of what we feel. We are uncertain of the emotions stirring deep inside our chests. We don't know what will happen if we let it out and let somebody know. We wanted to stop it and pretend it isn't there. But we can't, _we won't_, because these feelings excite us. It exhilarates us and we love it.

_It's like I've never been here before…_

I now think of these thoughts while looking at the horizon. It is a clear night sky. No moon and a lot of stars are shining down on me. It seems like they are shining brighter this particular night. Maybe they wanted to think and wonder with me.

_Look at you now; I don't want to wake you,_

_To tell you I feel something more…_

Sometimes, I'm scared with what I feel. Because someday, I know, it will consume me, and I will never be the same again. She tortures me in my slumber. She never let me doze. I may look like a walking zombie because of the lack of sleep, but I don't want it to stop. I don't want her to be out of my head even for a split-second. I am obsessed, I know it. Dangerously obsessed.

_More than before, I'd be lost without you…_

I wanted to tell her what I feel, but I know it isn't right. I don't care if I must hide what I feel for her deep in my heart for as long as I live. I don't care if I can only be satisfied with slaps in the back after training. I don't care if I only hear her yell my name during games. I don't care. I don't give a damn. Just as long as I know that the feeling I have will be mine and never will anyone know. Because I know they can't understand. They won't try to understand that I'm only human to commit mistakes and pick someone absolutely wrong to love.

_In my eyes there's just you and no other…_

_In my heart there's no doubt that you're mine…_

I didn't know it will happen. It just did. They say that love doesn't pick anyone. Maybe that's why. I'm scared now. I'm scared of the pain it will bring when someday comes when I have to set her free for her own happiness. I believe when they say that there's pain in love. I'm scared because I know that she's not the one for me, because, well, it's wrong! Why is it wrong when it feels so right?

_Suddenly I wonder if I told you,_

_What I feel inside…_

I want to convince myself that someday, they will accept what I felt. But I don't want to wait. I wanted to shout it out to the whole world and not be embarrassed by it. Maybe the only right thing I should do is hide it, until it's safe. Until I could learn to live without the sight of her.

_**Flashback:**_

"Rukawa, do you ever say something other than your usual short answers?"

"No."

"I hate it when you say too little."

"…"

"And when you don't speak when someone's talking to you."

"I would rather keep my businesses to myself."

"Hey! That's the longest sentence I've ever heard from you!"

"…"

"I give up on you, Rukawa. You are the Ice Prince, anyway."

Don't. Just talk to me. How can I show you what I feel if that's what you think of me?

Why can't you, of all people, have a normal conversation with a high school girl? Because she is not just a high school girl. She's my… What! What exactly is she to me? I don't know. I really don't. Maybe I do know, but if I say it, I'm accepting the fact already. And that's the last thing I want to do: to admit to myself that I'm not an Ice Prince. That I'm also a human capable of… Okay, stop it now. I'm trying to pretend there isn't something there.

_  
If it doesn't show, baby you don't know I need you,_

_I need you, I need you in my life…_

_To you I wouldn't lie, I'll be true, be true_

'_Cause if I never told how would you ever know_

_That baby you're the one I love…_

Stop it, Rukawa. You're crazy, that's all. That's right. Maybe I'm just crazy…

**The song is "You're the One I Love" by Jesse Powell. I borrowed it! Thanks for reading! I know it's not much. Just to ease my boredom. **


End file.
